Walking, thinking and reflecting on life

I have stayed couch surfing at Dion’s place for 4 days. He has been a great host. Very kind and sensitive guy. He is wise and working out life. I feel he is a person of service. It is so nice to see a younger man with such potential.

I’ve been walking to the city. I do love that as I can walk and reflect. I am listening to Eckhart Tolle and feeling myself reprogramming from the every day agreed on thoughts to higher thoughts of who we are. To listen to those awake is like drinking a cool drink when thirsty, it quenches your questions and you thirst for more. As I walk the world around me fades, the faces become blurred images on a background canvass, as I walk the real world illuminates inside me. I walk with my hands behind my back and my head down as I feel for truth in the darkness of our times. As I walk I feel the dance of a rhythm through my feet as I find it is a walking meditation I am engaged in without thought.

As I move through life I notice the buildings, familiar structures, the roads, the lights, the cafe’s and find I don’t desire this life. I see the money sinking endlessly into road side cafe’s as people attempt to squeeze life into the weekend. For me every day is a weekend and no longer to the chains that bind others occupy my mind, as I am free to weave together a new future. I am choosing to write this blog with the energy of the poetry, as life is poetry for me.

I walk into the city following vague directions, I cross over a bridge over railway lines and find myself walking through the rail way station as others walk to catch trains. I walk through and into a mall, recalling Dion indicating there was two. My body is quite tired having walked a while so I look for where I feel I want to stop. I stop at a cafe, blending in with the coffee crowd and pull out my papers. I am doing a little research whilst sitting here, on the one hand looking into social/emotional education that is being taught in schools and then shifting my attention to a paper called ‘why dad’s leave’ as I drop into the life of men and their hidden traumas and unspoken dilemmas. I find myself immersed in quotes finding myself awakening to the fragility of men, the man who needs to be nurtured, who feels excluded from the wife attending to the child, the wife feeling overwhelmed by the need in her orbit to find she is choosing the child over the husband. I found that very illuminating. I question love and how much can a woman give, why should a man be excluded, yet in the micro family of western society there is no-one else to fill the gaps in the family of one’s heart. We all crave belonging and to feel useful. Yet for men, they can find themselves ill equipped to know how to be father’s and how to be the best support for wives, when in their own childhood, they were boys and they don’t cry. That is the feeling that came up for me, this parallel track life where women and girls do get the love and attention as they can reach for it and society labels them as emotional, whereas the badge of strength that men wear has become isolating, structural, functional without any real content to fill their empty hearts. I see this clearly and whilst at times they may bask in the perks of manhood, for many, it is drowning those perks in the pub as they attempt to open up and connect with other men. I see the prison and I see it as the foundation of what is failing in society. I see no social engineering or deep thought by government or social institutions to redress the real poverty which is growing in parallel to the more we acquire. The empty vessel never fills. So I read this for a while, occasionally looking up to observe the life walking all around me. I see a man sitting across from me reading. He is looking directly at me at times. I wonder if he is lonely and is just looking. I am not sending him signals of interest, although I am always curious about people. I would be open for a chat but I will not invite it, allow others to walk their path. I don’t feel an overwhelming impulse to connect, just allow is the feeling. I notice an Asian guy has a didgeridoo and a tambourine and snappy beat with it. My first thought was the indigenous people, they are not going to like it. They will see him as a foreigner and their instrument as sacred. They don’t let women play either. I thought of the discrimination, it fluttered across my mind as internal mirror. I then heard an aboriginal yelling, I knew instantly it was at this Asian man. I wondered if I should get involved, I am into conflict resolution. My feeling was to sit and observe. I watched the crowd gather, nothing like a mini coliseum developing. I wondered if people were curious, hoping for violence like a schoolyard bullying or were there to help if needed. I am not into voyeurism and would hope the crowd may be a deterrent. Anyway, his voice boomed in the distance and I just monitored. I waited to see if the Asian guy broke through the crowd with his gear. I saw him standing and speaking back but no such retreat. He held his ground. Part of me was pleased he didn’t cave into bullying. The other part asked of respect, to respect the indigenous. I was transported in my thoughts back to Uluru where the indigenous said ‘don’t climb the rock’. I honored that by asking them (silently) to give me a sign. A sign came in a dream where it was impressed on me to walk the base of the rock. I imagined the Asian guy respecting the indigenous man and moving on, but what of his love of didgeridoo? he was respecting indigenous by desiring to play their instrument. I wondered if indigenous could make room for that. I wondered what a conflict resolution session would produce. Would they be able to express their realities and come to peace over the conflict. Can they move from traditional law, just as Christians have had to move from christian doctrine that would kill those they considered heathens, or extreme Islamist’s, with their strict protocols over women in some countries. I wondered at the arrival of the security and the police, imposing their rules on the indigenous man. He should not get angry in public. The threat of violence brings in suppression.

I watched him walk and ring someone on his mobile. I looked into his eyes and saw no malice. I wondered if he was ringing for his brothers to join him in what he felt was disrespect of his people. I wondered if the police were able to bridge that cultural divide. I noticed one of them was dark skinned, so he may be indigenous. I wasn’t sure. Then I saw and felt an interesting feeling, the indigenous man walked towards the shops and he spread his arms out like an eagle soaring. It was a sign of rebellion. I felt it intensely and I felt tears rise in me. I felt the oppression and my mind immediately went to Alice Springs where I saw the signs on prohibition of alcohol, pornography etc and painted on the sign was an eagle. At the time I felt the ancient in the symbol. Today it came to me immediately and I felt a spiritual touch. I saw the fight with the asian as his attempt to break free of the oppression he felt assaulting his entire culture. There would be no awareness around that or the people that watched seeing it as a spectacle rather than a call for help. I heard some muttering walking past telling one to the other, something about an abo. I see the disrespect in my own culture, the collective deafness to a people who came from an alien world that has no similarities to the materialistic western culture. Yet to see him soar, I felt his power and his spirit, he was free in truth.

I took some photos to recall the moment later. It was a powerful moment.

I sat reflecting on my work, what I am here to do. I look up and see a sign it is an angel with young children at the feet. There is no advertising on this sign, I liked the feeling of the symbol as the message. I sat there thinking, yes I am working with children.

After a while, some energy restored, I felt ready to make the journey back to where I was staying. So I slide on my ipod headphones and sank back into the real world, allowing the busy shoppers, colourful clothes, conversations, buildings fade into background noise, so I could truly hear my own message. I walked in the sunlight, enjoying the peace ruminating through my body and soul. A friend and I talked through her challenges as a mother, she felt I had helped her. She said to me that I should counsel people, she noticed I am not telling people what to do but have clarity. I felt grateful to gain feedback, as I want to serve society. So I will sit with that and consider if I can be of help to people, to transform negative thoughts into positive. I do naturally connect with people from all walks, it is funny, being a clown, you are just so open to everyone. Such is love in human form.

I returned and met Dion’s sister Kirsty. I felt a lovely energy in her straight away. I noticed one of her eyes was different but I focused on her other eye and found it irrelevant in getting to know her. She shared with me that she worked in an environmental area at a mining site. Her work with her colleagues was to do environmental impacts, to monitor the site for tailings, poisons, toxins and any impacts on the natural environment. I thought that may be difficult working with mining companies who are indeed extracting coal and other metals within a mindset of commodities not nature, profit not balance. So it is a different language. She said some managers of the mining company were not helpful, the latest one is good. She is working up in the Kimberley as is Dion. Both say it is a magical place and I can only imagine the dreaming around these sacred sites that white people cannot even hope to gain a sense of. Only through our own sensitivity to nature, can we see our part. Those who feel separate will not, they will be in unquestioned rational mindsets that see the world in a specific way. Opposition will be seen as greenies and hippies, without any firm grip on reality of the real world, which in their mind, will be money.

Dion did tell me they extract the ore from the bottom and it just comes down, next layer, next layer and so on. I can’t imagine life down a mine shaft. They are 8 days on and 6 days off. Kirsty’s fiance is also in the mining industry, same schedule. She hopes to get married at Burning Man in the USA, a very nice site for symbolic marriages to a new world, I felt. So we spoke about nature, my life and hers. It was nice. Dion came back. It is nice to see a brother and sister living together, the little banters and laughing between them. She wants him to come to her wedding, the price is scaring him, but he probably will I sense.

We had a nice soup, I made up some noodles and we all sat on our computers. I didn’t mind, I love doing my blog so it is peaceful to just be together, talk when the moment arises.

Dion gave me a DVD to look at by Alex Grey, I earmarked, must see before I leave. He is an artist and visionary, and I could instantly see he is evolved and his poetry carved out a vision that he had indeed looked into the eyes of god. So very exciting.

The next day I had Dion film me talking about my work, in a video message that I will send off. I was going to do it in my clown suit but felt maybe the person is better. So it just flowed and Dion commented on that. I said it is my work and I do give talks, it comes easily as I know the peace area and my work. I am a communicator, one of my gifts.

I was considering clowning in a hospital and rang the Mercy near where I was living. The manager was in a meeting and suggested she call me back. I offered my visit for free and could hear the joy in her voice, funny how money affects happiness in the minds of people. So I let that go and thought I should get on.

I never heard back from the hospital and will probably let that go but did think I will offer service to the community. I had asked in my heart for a sign to be sent to me about what I am here to do.

So off I went for another adventure into the city. Again, I plugged in Eckhart Tolle. What a wonderful soul, just one awakens and millions benefit. There is merit in spending your time working it out. I rang a few friends on the way and spoke to my brother and niece, she wrote the happy place blog. She is a card, definitely clown material. I ask her what she is up to, she goes ‘stuff’ deliberately. I said ‘so you are up to stuff, are you stuffed from your stuff’, she laughed, it is just stuff. Anthony pipes in and tells me his work is going well, he is feeling happy. I feel glad for him and Bella his daughter jumps in and says ‘he is doing stuff’. I love her humour. My family despite our setbacks actually have a good sense of humour, if you can get them joking around they are very quick and funny. Anthony could be a clown, and Pete too. I remember picking Peter up from the airport in Melbourne once in my clown suit. It was so funny I stood there and the two children were with him, they were so excited to see their clown aunt. In the car as we traveled away from Tullermarine he had a puppet, sadly he has a dark humour and pushed it against the windscreen, making out it hit it. Despite his dark side, I did laugh as he is funny in his childlike play. He had the puppet hanging out the window communicating with people in the next car. So I enjoyed him joining me in the world that many don’t expect.

Anyway, I got to a cafe and had a chat with the girl serving. She is an artist it turns out and was berating herself over the fact she starts projects then moves to the next. She said her sister was getting married in Bangladesh, she had met her partner recently, said he was really lovely. So three days of celebrations in Bangladesh. She is looking forward to it. I saw her love heart she wore and said that was my symbol as a clown. I showed her my spiral and she told me she had done heaps of symbols, especially spirals. I see it as the universal spiralling outwards, and growth for human’s, even water runs clockwise or counterclockwise down a pipe, i love the look of that. In Athens I remember an artistic display where they had a bowl of water and vibrations of sound under it which caused ripples. Light was projected so the ripples and spirals were on the ceiling. It was wild, and really meditative, I noted at the time. We had a nice connection. I then headed off after reading the news, catching up.

I walked into the museum and found it was by donation. That is good, I only got into one part of the museum, it was taxidermy of animals, arachnids (spiders), birds, possums, I even saw a photo of the last Tasmanian tiger strung up. It looks like a dog with stripes. They had a video playing David Attenborough as he explored frogs, crabs, fish life, crocodiles and many more. I love his voice and wealth of knowledge which in reality is the tip of the iceberg. Yet with those types of insights, he would see the world and human in their proper place. We are part of this natural world, we can not exist if we take it over. We, like all creatures in nature, depend on the ecosystem. So it was lovely going through and looking at live frogs, snakes and even mantises. I loved it.

I walked out and around the city, stopping for a coffee. Met the cafe owner and he had a picture. I love my ignorance. I said who is your friend in the photograph, turns out it was Botticelli. He said 20 years ago he had said to someone he will come to my restaurant one day. He named his cafe after him. I said to him dreams can come true, I told him of mine. He was really interested to chat and I really loved that he wanted to engage. As he said proudly, ‘I am Italian.’ I do love Italians they are so generous and passionate. I went to Italy and remember the romance of Florence. Rome and Michelangelo’s work. So much talent in their country, perhaps it is the openness of the people. So that was nice and I sat and read my literature. I watched a couple having an argument, the guy and woman walked in a V pattern away from each other as she was cursing him. She was angry. I noted the differences between men and women. He went silent and ignored her and she got angrier and more verbal. Such is the communication when angry. Yet my hope is they could sit down later. They would need some coaching in how to communicate, is my feeling.

Anyway, went to catch a bus. Had to walk a fair bit to find one. I sat at the bus stop and commented to a woman about her tattoo. She had an angel on her arm with the word ‘Angel’. I said it was nice and asked if she believed. She said ‘yes’. I said ‘I do also we are never alone’. I could see a light in her eyes. I engaged her in conversation asking if she was an artist. She had just finished a course that would help her work with youth. I told her I was a clown. We got on the same bus and kept chatting about life and people. i believe in the goodness of people, I do feel they are reformable and I feel you have to show them what is good inside. I said ultimately people choose if they take on the advice or they choose another course. All is life experience. We are at choice. She asked me if I clown around, I said ‘yes’ and she suggested she knew a few organisations and church groups and would circulate my website. So that is good, spread love and joy would be nice. I will try and do volunteer once a week to reach more people.

I arrived at Dion’s and made my super duper Afghani food. We sat on the floor and ate. He loved it. It was a pleasure to share it. He then put on a video of David Icke. I had heard of him but not much. Turns out he is outing the Illuminati. I saw some merit in his video but noted he was angry. I can understand that but I felt it won’t lead us to peace and unity. Although it may break people from the trance of just believing everything they are told. He is seen as a conspiracy theorist. So it was good to see alternatives. We spoke more about the chains of society and other aspects of change. It was nice to spend time with Dion, very nice guy.

Anyway, I am about to leave Dion’s now and head to a new couch surf.

Enjoy life and live it to the max. Glimpses into my world give you glimpses into your own, we can have rich experiences anywhere with anyone. Just be open to life, life is who you are. Have fun.

Mohandas Gandhi

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”